Big dreams

(Posted this a two days back in Twitlonger. I want this post to be part of my blogger a a form of back-up.)

After I was done with Handle With Care, my mind was bursting with thoughts, for about two days, and now I can't really remember as I'm tryna recall to pen it down.

1. I've been thinking about 爸爸 a lot these days, must be because of tomb-sweeping that day, like how Dajie cried so easily at seeing the very handsome and young photograph of him at the temple while I stood by her side not knowing what to do. I think she was the only one who cried. I tried looking closely at Mama's, Kor's & Fei's eyes, none of them were teary/red.

Thereafter every little little things triggered my memory of him. Like how this glass of drink I bought at the NTUC while shopping for Sis's BBQ (i never knew what's it called in Eng but in Chinese it's called 蛇草水 (?) which he used to sell and it was my all-time favourite drink because it was gassy & simply awesome!), how he held on to the old sofa for dear life because the floor was too wet thanks to me noobz mopping the floor and now the sofa is gone forever!

I don't know how does this link to Handle With Care. It just do. About life, death and everything in between.

2. I really really don't think I can take it being a mother. How selfless one can be to give it ALL for their child, straining the r/s with the other child, best friends, and even their spouse, resulting in a near-divorce.

Charlotte (not our dear Char-Lot-Teh), the mother in the book of Willow's & Amelia's, risked it ALL. I can NEVER take that chance.

How terribly wrong when negligence and the lack of love are mixed with rebellious, angry, and protective thoughts - Amelia became bulimic and inflicting self-harm, trying to cope with her feelings, for trying to feel "right". Yes as a mother we want the best for our child. I don't think I am able to give my child the best, so why let them suffer by coming into this world?

3. Then came a string of ethical/unethical questions of LIFE. Abortion. Pros and cons. What right do you have to end a life that was suppose to live? What rights do you have to let it live? So what if it's precious when the world is a horrible horrible terrible vegetable place to live in?

& if you happen to be Catholic? You cannot abort. So you are stucked with the child till eternity. What if you do abort? You'd be judged for being not religious enough.

(To hell with what others think seriously.)

4. The question that I have in mind since ages and it is reoccurring yet again: Is what you are fighting for, worth it, worth it all? Are you worth the fight? Are you really really worth it?

Charlotte fought so hard to get $8 million for Willow. Apparently, Willow was the most important person in her life and Willow was definitely worth fighting for. Yet, Willow drowned herself by accident. She didn't even struggle for her life. She couldn't anyway, or else her bones would break. So what does the $8 million amount to? Nil. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Kosong (like the prata w/o egg)! They didn't even cash in the damn cheque!!

5. Anything is possible. Nothing is impossible. Don't live life with regrets. Live life without regrets. Live, and let live. Live. Laugh. Love.

6. Deal with differences accordingly.


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My bottom line (geddit, below the line?): Handle With Care is life-changing. I like (Y)! I really want to read more of her books. It's gonna be like, my Bible or sth HAHAHA kiddingz omfg.

Oh i just realized how much Literature brings joy to me. Sadly O's were a gone case ah. Shit la you Shakespeare, and Helena, & Hermia, & Lysander & Demetrius and your stupid love-potion! & Puck & Oberon & Titania & Theseus & Hippolyta (like hippopotamus like that -.-!) & Romeo & Juliet were only good because of Leonardo DiCaprio :D

I have big dreams that I want to achieve by the time I graduate from poly:

x My heart-shape polaroids on the wall
x My photoblog (nuff' said)
x Driver's license (if the 21yo rule is not valid)
x GPA 4.0 for at least one sem (no kiddingz)
x Travelling on my own and/or w friends (no matter how dangerous it is)
x Master Photoshop/illustrator/Dreamweaver/wtv
x Be my own columnist ^^
x Keep old friends and make new ones!
x Blog diligently, (even if via Twitlonger ^^)
x Be comfortable with my own body

Because i can't think of anything else to write,
x x